Getting more close to home, my health is giving me issues. I've not been in good health since I was in the 6th grade, but it's getting worse. I used to have good days and bad days...now I have bad days and terrible days. I live in a fairly small house...and now I sometimes need help to get to the kitchen to make my food. I have difficulty sometimes even reaching down to turn on the faucet.
If my shoe gets untied? Forget it. I can't physically bend down to tie it. I used to be able to stand & walk for about an hour before I started to have serious issues. Now, if I get 10 minutes I'm lucky. And that's just ONE of the health problems I'm dealing with.
I used to have multiple things I enjoyed, but most of them have been taken away from me.
In somewhat chronological order, Since 2011:
- DC Comics. Had my first DC comic read to me at 5 days old, and then in 2011 DC threw away it's entire history, including totally obliterating my favorite characters from the new continuity
- Star Wars. My first memory of anything is watching Empire Strikes Back. When Disney bought it they threw away the entire history and started publishing crap.
- Lake George. My favorite place in the world. Due to my health problems I wasn't able to go at all for three years, the only years of my life I wasn't able to get there. In that time the family owned motel we stayed at since 1987 closed. While we did go back last year its not anywhere like it once was, and for all intents and purposes it's just the same as not going at all.
- Our Jeep. Our Jeep is totally dead, and we're probably going to lose the only license plate number I've ever known because of it. As a lifelong car guy knowing our Jeep is probably going to be destroyed within the next few months is heartwrenching.
- Foods- since I got diabetes in 2013 I've had to give up some of my favorite foods, and others I can no longer eat because they now make me sick, including but not limited to such staples as milk. Furthermore, I actually have to eat MORE now and I know, without fail, I will be nauseous between lunch and dinner every single day.
- My diecast collection. 1/64 NASCAR diecast actually used to be my #1 hobby, more than cards. Now that it costs me $500 or more a month just to stay alive (it constantly fluctuates) I can no longer afford to collect both cards and diecast and since cards are physically easier to handle- and cover all my interests instead of just one- they won out.
- Model building. I used to be a fairly decent modeler- not top of the line, but good enough that my work has been published a half dozen times. Since about 2011 or 2012 I have lost the ability to build, especially to lay down a good paint job. I have no idea why this is, I can't explain it, because I do the exact same thing, and what used to work doesn't anymore. I've just about given up on multiple occasions, but I still keep trying, and keep failing, and keep getting frustrated. I feel like I'm forgetting something, too, my my memory is affected by my health problems, which is one of the reasons I started the blog, so I wouldn't have to try and remember something, I could just look through the history to see it.
I'm also feeling conflicted about NASCAR. I've never been able to bring myself to admit it before now, but I have not really been enjoying it all that much lately. You may have noticed that my posts have skewed more towards NBA and of late hockey- I've been watching the NHL as a true fan for just over a month and it's already moved past NASCAR for my #2 sport. Now this year NASCAR is making even more unnecessary changes that it sounds like are going to be bad...I can't say for sure they will be but it doesn't sound good. I can't bring myself to leave the sport...I left the NBA in 2006 to 2012 and I now consider it one of the worst things I've ever done, and I'm afraid if I bail on NASCAR I will regret it immensely...so I will watch every race and complain about missing the NBA and NHL games that conflict with it, out of the fear that I will commit another huge mistake. I do feel that I'm at a crossroads with the sport. The couple of weeks before the new season are usually some of the most anticipation I feel for the sport, and it starts in two weeks...and I'm not really feeling it at all. When I left the NBA, on retrospect, it was me that had the issue...absence truly did make the heart grow fonder. But I still consider it a huge mistake.
And now I (finally) get to my point. Sports, watching sports, is the best part of the day, any day, no matter what day. When I'm laying in bed when I first get up, already feeling pain and dreading getting up and so forth, thinking about what games I'm going to watch that day, or thinking about what cards I can scan, post to the Trading Card Database or here on my blog, it's my main reason for getting up each day. Writing this blog is my only "outlet"...it's the only thing where I feel like I actually contribute something to the world. Even though it's a small thing and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, at least it's not nothing.
I'm sorry this post is a bit of a downer. It is, I know. I'm not trying to be "oh woe is me" here, I just needed to vent a little. I figured I might as well get through this on a day I'm already pretty down- today is the 15th anniversary of my dad losing his battle with cancer.
Also, I want to say thank you to everyone I've interacted with in this community. The intelligence and kindness of the people in this hobby are top notch. In all my years in this hobby, and the online portion of the hobby (29 in hobby, 17 in online community) I've only ever found two people I can say I truly dislike, where else can you find a group of people that good?
I'll make sure that my next posts are upbeat and happy, I promise. After all, this is the thing I live for.